Sarah Hyland Poses Nude For Chiquita Bananas

“Modern Family” star Sarah Hyland has just signed on to be the new spokeswoman for Chiquita bananas, and the controversial nude photo of Sarah above is the first effort in the company’s new viral marketing campaign aimed at the elusive 18-24 slut demographic.

This radical and hip advertising approach is the brainchild of Chiquita Vice President Javier Dominguez Sanchez. “When we looked at the market research we saw that while women are eating bananas not many are fucking themselves with them.” explained Javier. “I don’t know if you noticed this, but bananas are shaped like hard cocks… We want women to start their days by feeding a banana into each hole, and we think that Sarah Hyland is the perfect ambassador for this new trend.”

When asked if he was worried about his marketing strategy being wasted on women using Dole bananas to fill their cock boxes Javier scoffed and exclaimed that, “Dole bananas are pathetically impotent and puny. Only Chiquita bananas can give women the satisfying stretch they desire… Besides once we get the word out with this Sarah Hyland nude photo, women will only equate our bananas with intense erotic pleasure.”

And so the next time you are at the grocery you better watch your step, for if Javier and Sarah succeed you’ll be hearing “clean up in the banana section” over the intercom quite a bit as women cream themselves at the sight of Chiquita’s beefy banana bundles.