Teyana Taylor Nude Selfies Released

Singer, actress, and model Teyana Taylor appears to have just released the nude selfie photos above and below online.

At first glance these nude photos seem like Teyana’s audition reel for National Geographic magazine, with the only thing missing being a fried chicken bone stuck through her nose… But after learning that Teyana is owned by a Muslim man named Iman Shumpert, it is clear that the purpose of these nude pics is to drum up interest for a sale.

Yes, Teyana will soon be hitting the auction block, and after reviewing her sturdy hindquarters in the video clip above, I’d be willing to bid 20 dinars and a set of US military night vision goggles straight from Afghanistan for this beast of burden.

Of course it may seem like I’d be paying too much, but with the way inflation is going the price of livestock like Teyana is through the roof. Naturally that cost will have to be passed on to the infidel consumers with higher opium prices, for our poppy plantations must maintain their profit margins.