Shakira's Nude Past Uncovered

The topless photo above and graphic nude masturbation video below, of (what appears to be) pop star Shakira in her younger years has just been uncovered and released online.

What are the odds that on the eve of performing the halftime show at Super Bowl LIV, Shakira has this nude degeneracy exposed? …Pretty high! For Shakira comes from the hopelessly depraved Mexican nation of Colombia, where every man is a drug dealer and every woman a sex worker. Frankly it is surprising that there were no videos unearthed of Shakira getting coke snorted off of her ass while taking a dick for a handful of crumbled up pesos as well.

Of course the last thing Shakira needs before her big Super Bowl performance is the aggravation from this nude controversy. For as you can see in the video above, she is known for having a sensitive stomach which causes chronic bouts of extreme flatulence while performing. With this hanging over her head she is liable to gas out the whole stadium, leaving the homofag San Francisco 69ers and Kansas City Queers running for the exits.