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The Story of Durka Durka Mohammed

Durka Durka Mohammed was born into a poor goat herding family in Kandahar, Afghanistan. At an early age Durka was diagnosed with what the local doctor called “Camel Spit for Brains”. Durka’s family was ashamed of his condition, so they kept him confined to their goat farm. This was fine with Durka Durka because he loved goats… a lot.

When Durka’s father caught him finger banging the clan’s prize war goat Penelope Anne he had had enough. He took Durka Durka to Kabul and dumped him on some Christian missionaries who took Durka back with them to the evil infidel land of America.

The beautiful and seductive war goat Penelope Anne

Tragically soon after returning to America, Durka’s adopted parents simultaneously committed suicide by repeatedly stabbing themselves in the back with a scimitar, and then lighting themselves on fire. Durka used the insurance money he collected from their deaths to study at the prestigious Riyadh College of Veterinary Medicine, were he received his masters in goat science.

It was during his time in Riyadh that Durka fell under the tutelage of the brilliant Imam Haid D’Salaami. He taught Durka of the dangers of the female flesh, and how as Muslims it was our duty to constantly be on the lookout for sinful female sexual expression.

Durka’s mentor and spiritual advisor Imam Haid D’Salaami

After college Durka was ready to settle down. As a virile Muslim and competent cocksman it did not take long for Durka to acquire his first wife, the exquisite desert rose Ermina. However, there was no happily ever after for Durka and Ermina, as one day Durka returned home early from tending to his goats to find Ermina reading a People magazine. Of course Durka had no choice but to stone Ermina to death right there on the spot.

Durka and Ermina’s engagement photo

Durka swore to avenge Ermina’s death by destroying the poisonous celebrity culture that had killed her. So Durka traveled back to America to the heart of the beast in Los Angeles, and formed the holy Islamic extremist gossip site CelebJihad.com. The rest as they say is history.