Morgan Freeman is the black Woody Allen

According to the National Enquirer, 72-year-old Morgan Freeman, America’s second-favorite black man, is engaged to his 27-year-old step-granddaughter, E’Dena Hines. Also, it is alleged that the romance began when she was a teenager!

I am thoroughly disgusted. Why would a grown man choose to marry such an old hag. It’s repulsive! If he would have married her when she was still a teen it would have been pushing it, but at least she might have been fertile! At this point it’s not even likely that she will bare him more than five children.

Mr. Freeman, don’t you have any prepubescent 2nd cousins in your clan? In my village you could have your pick of the 11-year-olds. But in the cesspool that is Hollywood you have been reduced to choosing from geriatrics. Shameful.

My only hope is that you are receiving a handsome dowry for taking this barren womb as your wife. Then again, she comes from your own family, so it’s kind of like robbing Umar ibn al-Khattab to pay Abu Bakr!  Oh well.