Prince Dead At 57

The beloved infidel minstrel Prince was just found dead in his home in Minnesota. He was just 57-years-old.

While no official cause of death has been reported yet, I think anyone who knows Prince’s music will agree that he almost certainly died either by suffocation by velvet, a ruptured rectum from a gigantic oddly shaped purple dildo, or just plain old AIDS.

Prince will forever be remembered by music fans for such hit songs as “Bohemian Rhapsody”, “We Will Rock You”, and of course the all to poignantly titled “Another One Bites The Dust”. In lieu of flowers Prince’s family requests that well-wishers send a donation to one of Prince’s favorite charities, “Heels For Midgets” or “The Crushed Velvet Suit Restoration Society”.