O.J. Simpson Dead At 76

Beloved American sportsball player and actor O.J. Simpson has died today at the tender age of 76 as a result of hand suffocation from wearing gloves that were two sizes too small.

Of course O.J. Simpson will best be remembered for his brutal running style, as he slashed and cut his way through defenses while leading his Los Angeles Lakers to multiple World Series titles.

After retiring from sportsball, O.J. Simpson had a long and successful career as an actor in Hollywood, starring in the first “Fast and Furious” film alongside his best bud Al Cowlings.

O.J. is survived by his longtime loving wife Nicole. In lieu of flowers the Simpson family requests those wishing to honor O.J. donate to his favorite charity the Scurvy Teaching Association of Baltimore (STAB) in which he served on the board of directors.