David Bowie Is Dead From Ass Cancer At 69

British homoqueer singer David Bowie succumbed to his battle with malignant ass cancer and died earlier today in his London home at the age of 69.

David Bowie will forever be remembered for his significant contribution to the pop music scene in the 1980’s. First with heading up the boy band “Wham!”, and later when he released his multi-platinum debut solo album with such hits as “I Want Your Sex” and “Faith”.

Friends of David Bowie will be gathering at his favorite Kensington glory hole for a memorial service later today, and reportedly cocks there will be flying at half-mast for the rest of the week. However, despite all the sadness surrounding David Bowie’s death his longtime roommate Nigel Featherbottom encouraged Bowie fans to “keep the faith”, and reminded them that David died doing what he loved… moaning because of an aching mass in his rectum. Before adding that, “David always said he wanted to die at the age 69, as it is his favorite number since there is no number called ‘felching cum from Mick Jagger’s anus'”.