The Charlie Sheen Guide To Relationships

Hey folks, Charlie Sheen here. I wrote this article as a guide for you young men and women out there in relationships. You could say I’m kind of an expert on relationships since I’ve had 722 in my 40+ years of living and loving.

First lets define what a relationship is. A relationship is a partnership of 2 people who have ridiculous amounts freaky sex… I’m talking about real nasty filthy stuff… until one party (the male) grows tired of the other party (the female).

Now that we know what a relationship is let’s talk about the most important aspect of any relationship, trust. Trust comes in many forms. Trust is the safety word when things get a little too intense, trust is the filming of degrading acts for future viewing, trust is the releasing of bodily fluids on your partner’s face, I could go on and on.

Since trust is the key component to any healthy relationship you must be constantly working with your partner to develop trust, and avoid losing your partner’s trust at all costs. It has been my experience that a lot of women recklessly lose trust in their male partners. Women are constantly falsely accusing men of ruining the trust in their relationship by cheating. Really this boils down to a lack of understanding on the woman’s part.

The majority of women (my ex-wives included) are painfully uninformed about what actually constitutes cheating. So let me set the record straight once and for all on some common misconceptions about cheating.

Location: If you and your partner are in different countries, time zones, states, area codes, counties, zip codes, congressional districts, towns, school districts, or housing developments it is definitely not cheating. Also if you are banging some 20-something hottie in the pool house while your wife is taking a nap in the bedroom that is not cheating, it is just a poorly executed threesome.

Prostitution: This area has frustrated me to no end in my numerous relationships. If you pay for sex it is not cheating, it is business. Prostitution is a business transaction in which money is exchanged for a service. It is no different then when you ladies go pay for a mani-pedi. You would be perfectly with in your rights to shove one of those Vietnamese girls up your snatch, but I must warn you that, that Charlie won’t feel nearly as good as this one. Bam!

Masturbation: Jerking off on a girl is a real gray area. It is definitely not cheating if the girl is unconscious, you are drunk, or she is a relative of your wife’s visiting for the weekend. However, it is cheating if you finish in the girl’s mouth, but it is not cheating if you finish on her face and some just sort of drips into her mouth. Furthermore it is cheating if the girl scoops it up and eats it, but it is not cheating if she just rubs it into her tits.

Blowjobs: Getting a blowjob is always cheating unless the location rules stated above apply or the girl looks really hungry. You wouldn’t believe the number of half starved girls in LA I have to sustain with my man juice.

To summarize relationships are about having dirty monkey sex with a special someone. If you are ever lucky enough to find a beautiful woman who will fulfil your sickest most perverse fantasies just give her half your stuff and move on. Trust me it is quicker that way.