John Mayer Plans Kinky Sex With Taylor Swift

Singer, song writer, and cocksman John Mayer has made quite a name for himself turning famously innocent female celebrities into dirty little sex pots. He allegedly introduced the joys of anal love making to the likes of Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, and Jennifer Love Hewitt. John Mayer also claims he will only date a girl who gives in completely to his every sexual desire.

Well old John has his sights firmly set on his next conquest, 19-year-old singer Taylor Swift. John contacted Taylor back in March to perform a duet with him. That is John Mayer code for a blowjob, but Taylor misunderstood and actually went to record a song. They have been close ever since, and were just seen getting cozy at a private table at Il Ristorante di Giorgio Baldi in Santa Monica.

No doubt John Mayer has plans to violently penetrate every one of Taylor’s orifices (if he has not already done so). Taylor Swift is about to get a lesson in kinky sex from a master. I suggest she keep up on her stretches to stay limber, and maybe google a few terms like “rusty trombone“, “angry dragon“, and of course the “glass bottom boat“.