Katy Perry Threatens To Release Sex Tape

Closeted British homosexual Russell Brand blindsided wife Katy Perry when he filed for divorce Friday December 30th citing irreconcilable differences. “Sadly, Katy and I are ending our marriage,” he said in a statement to PEOPLE “I’ll always adore her and I know we’ll remain friends.”

Feeling betrayed Katy Perry did what any desperate, attention starved infidel whore would do, she released a statement of her own, to an unknown source saying, “I gave my heart, soul, and ass virginity to a man that didn’t appreciate me and filed for divorce behind my back like a coward.”

An off the record comment was overheard when Perry joked with fellow pop star whore and friend Rihanna about leaking a sex tape starring Brand and herself which Katy described as “A visual exploration of a rape fantasy meets an aristocrats joke.” adding that “I have nothing to remember him by except this video and the occasional genital herpes outbreak, but I’m going to make HIM remember me forever”

No word yet on when the Katy Perry Russell Brand sex tape will be leaked, but I for one will welcome it’s release with open eyes, a bottle of camel spit, and a steady hand.