Jessica Simpson May Have Had a Chardonnay or Two

Everyone needs to cut loose every once in a while, and if I had the type of decade that Jessica Simpson had, there’s a decent chance I would be in a VIP room with a needle in my arm and a handle of vodka trying to figure out what the hell has become of my life.

Sooooo, it’s hard to fault her for getting a little (read: insanely) tipsy during a night out for sushi. Maybe she just ate some bad blowfish or something. Or maybe she drank an entire box of sake because their server’s name was Nick. Whatever.

Today she’s probably lying in bed with an ice pack on her head, wondering what became of her country music career and if they’re really gonna do that Dukes of Hazard sequel. Which will cause her to drink again. It’s a vicious cycle. I have a bad feeling that when Jessica drinks, there is a two-in-three chance that she will call her new fiance either Tony or Nick. The only way it will get better is if he changes his name to one of those two.