R Kelly May Be Investigated For Statutory Rape

It is being reported that R Kelly may be investigated by the Illinois police for committing statutory rape. Apparently R Kelly’s current girlfriend is 17, the age of consent in Illinois, but police are interested in finding out how long ago the couple officially started “dating”.

I find this whole situation deplorable. A man as powerful as R Kelly should be able to plunder all the teen booty he wants. R Kelly could not even make a sex tape with his 14 year old girlfriend without being hassled by “da man”. And you people call this country “the land of the free”?

R Kelly should move to the middle east. We understand that sometimes the unripened figs taste the sweetest. Praise be to Allah!