John Mayer’s Penis Is A Racist

John Mayer’s penis is at the center of a major controversy. When asked if he’d ever get with a black woman during a recent interview with Playboy magazine the singer revealed that,

“I don’t think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f*ckin’ David Duke c*ck. I’m going to start dating separately from my d*ck.”

As the backlash against John Mayer’s penis continues to grow it released this statement through its’ publicist to try and mediate the damage to its’ reputation. According to John Mayer’s penis,

“I am sad and hurt by the comments made by John Mayer about me in his recent Playboy interview. I really don’t even know where John was getting that white supremacist stuff from. I’m one of the most open-minded penises you’ll ever meet.

I’ve been in everything from women and men to animals and various warm casseroles. Sure I’ve never been in a “black”, but that’s only because they are all criminals with nappy hair, not because I am racist or anything. In fact I hangout with blacks all the time. Of course they usually get flushed before we get to know each other, but still at least I make the effort.”