Celeb Jihad Announces The "Free Diddy Freak-Off"

There is perhaps no greater injustice in the world today than the outrageous prosecution of Sean “Puffy” P. Diddy Combs for the alleged “crime” of “sex trafficking” — a sacred, time-honored tradition that we, the most pious of Muslims, have been perfecting since the dawn of the camel. That is why, to show our support for Mr. Diddy during this difficult time, we here at this holy Islamic website are announcing our first annual “Free Diddy Freak-Off.”

Already, the invitations for this momentous event have gone out to all the top harlots in heathen Hollywood, and although none have RSVP’d yet, we’re absolutely certain that there will be a packed house for this is undoubtedly going to be THE social event of the summer.

Oh yes, the Free Diddy Freak-Off is going to be “da bomb”—and as a Muslim, you’d better believe I don’t toss around explosive metaphors lightly! This all-night fuck fest will feature a jaw-dropping eight deluxe, state-of-the-art “rape rooms,” as well as light snacks and sodas. However, this party will be BYOBO (Bring Your Own Baby Oil), so if you require lubrication, prepare accordingly. Personally, I prefer to go the opposite direction and pack holes with sand for added grit, since it reminds me of my youth traveling by caravan through the Sahara.