Matt Damon Has Cancer

As you can clearly see in the photo above, Allah in his infinite wisdom has stricken actor Matt Damon with cancer. All cancers are a punishment from Allah for past indiscretions. As proof, it is a scientific fact that no true Muslim has ever been diagnosed with cancer, for we are loved by Allah.

If I had to guess why Allah is punishing Matt Damon with cancer, it would be for making the homosexual love story “Good Will Hunting”. I can only assume that the punishment for committing such an heinous crime would be incurable nut cancer, but that has not been confirmed yet.

Matt Damon is now feeling the full force of Allah’s wrath. Though he may use the dark arts of Western medicine to avoid death for now, there is little doubt what Allah has in store for him when it is his time for his shameful Hollywood movies.