Taylor Swift’s Long Legs Are A Public Menace

As you can see in the photos below, Taylor Swift caused quite the disturbance yesterday when she took her long legs out shopping while wearing a pair of short shorts.

Los Angeles Animal Control was inundated with phone calls about an escaped giraffe in a stupid looking hipster hat traipsing from store to store. When the Animal Control officers showed up on the scene they were able to identify this giraffe as pop star Taylor Swift, but still shot her up with a couple a tranquilizers just to be safe.

It is clear from this incident that Taylor Swift’s gangly long legs are a public nuisance which must be dealt with immediately. If the Western authorities continue to refuse to do the morally righteous thing and chop Taylor’s immodest gams in half with a scimitar, then the least they could do is require her to cover them up. For there is no denying that banning Taylor from wearing any more of these awful high-waisted short shorts is now an issue of public safety.