Selena Gomez Was Cheating On Justin With General Petraeus

The big news over the weekend was that after nearly 2 years of “dating” Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber have called it quits.

Of course we’d like to believe that us leaking a topless photo of Selena Gomez on Friday had something to do with the split, but we are hearing that the cause was most likely Selena cheating on Justin with former CIA head General Petraeus (who recently admitted to having an affair and resigned).

It has long been clear to us Muslims that Selena Gomez is a CIA operative who’s mission is to agitate Islam with her whorish antics, thus hastening the coming holy war with the West. So the fact that she may be involved in a sordid sex scandal with the top CIA official comes as no surprise.

US intelligence should learn that when you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas… and herpes.