Selena Gomez Uses Her Boobs To Thwart ICE Deportations

After posting a video ugly crying and vowing to do whatever it takes to stop her Mexican compatriots from being deported, Selena Gomez appears to be making good on that promise as she uses her big boobs and rock nipple pokies as weapons of mass distraction against ICE agents, buying her illegal amigos time to escape capture in the video above.

Yes, Selena and her barely holstered bulbous breasts bounce onto the scene of deportation raids, and ocularly assault the federal agents to keep them from doing their job… As one beleaguered ICE officer confessed, his voice trembling with the weight of his dilemma, “I love America, but I also love titties.”

Of course critics are saying Selena and her monstrous massive Mexican mammaries are taking things too far, by interjecting themselves into lawful arrests of these border-jumping banditos. Not to mention that Selena and her intimidating udders are rumored to be behind a campaign of terror, threatening anyone who dares report an illegal to ICE (including actress Zoe Saldaña who cowers in fear in the video clip above when confronted by Selena’s cleavage cartel).