Selena Gomez Finally Pregnant

At 18 years old, Selena Gomez was always looked at as an “old maid” in the Mexican community for not having birthed at least one child. However, after years of perseverance having anonymous sex whenever she could get it, all that is about to change because Selena Gomez is pregnant!

Last night Selena was taken to the hospital complaining of headaches, nausea, and exceptionally smelly taco farts. After running some routine tests doctors determined that Selena Gomez is pregnant.

This is great news for the Gomez family as the baby is due to arrive around the time of the next lettuce harvest, and they could certainly use all the hands they can get. Selena Gomez’s mother, Consuela Gomez (who had Selena at 15 years of age) had this to say,

“I am extremely proudo of my little chalupa Selena for finally getting el prego. We hopeo that the baby is a boyo. Gracias!”

While speculation is rampant that Justin Bieber is the father of Selena’s baby we find that highly unlikely considering he is a homo and has tiny mouse balls. We’ll have more on this story as it develops.