Scarlett Johansson Slutty For Esquire

Scarlett Johansson looks like a total slut in these new photos from Esquire magazine.

Clearly Scarlett Johansson’s shamefully feminine body is not halal, and should be hidden away under a burka (or in a burlap sack) at all times.

By being photographed in her underwear while giving such sultry and lecherous looks to the camera, Scarlett Johansson has aroused a rigid disgust in the loins of us pious Muslims. To make amends Scarlett must travel to Syria and spend 3 months in sexual servitude to the Al-Qaeda freedom fighters there, or she risks the wrath of a sternly worded fatwa.