Twilight: New Moon Panned By Critics

Twilight: New Moon is finally here, and so are the reviews. With a 30% favorable rating on RottenTomatoes.com, the critics are saying things that would make a vampire blush. Here’s a look at what some of the top critics had to say about the highly anticipated sequel staring Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.

	Peter Travers – This is pure garbage. I work for Rolling Stone, so I know garbage.
	Roger Ebert – If watching this movie again would cure my cancers, I’d take my chances with the cancers.
	Claudia Puig – This film is a festering bowl of dog snot. Fuck this fucking shit.
	James Berardinelli – Remember that story that was going around a few years back about how gay guys in New York were intentionally getting AIDS as a right of passage? Yeah, my cousin Leo started that rumor. Also, New Moon sucked.
	Michael Phillips – I liked this movie. Couple that with my beard, and there’s no way I should be allowed near a playground.
	Rex Reed – The acting was horrible, but that wolf boy made my dick move for the first time in 13 years!
	Larry King – What was wrong with the old moon?