Michael Jackson’s Burial Canceled Due To Poor Ticket Sales

Michael Jackson’s burial has been canceled due to poor ticket sales, a family spokesperson has said.
 
The burial had been planned for Jackson’s birthday, August 29th. But because of slumping ticket sales, investors have begun to pull their financial backing, forcing the family to postpone the service indefinitely.
 
Sources say the family is still looking for a way to maximize the profitability of Michael’s corpse while at the same time treating it with dignity and respect. Current options include:
 

• Renting the corpse to Six Flag’s Magic Mountain for use in their annual Fright Fest
• Melting down the corpse for use in a special limited edition set of Michael Jackson themed Precious Moments figurines
• Just tossing it over the fence at Liz Taylor’s house