Breaking: Lohan Roaming the Streets of Los Angeles

In news that makes us question the validity of “you can’t keep a good man down,” Lindsay Lohan has done her court-ordered time at the Betty Ford Clinic and is now free to do what she does best: drugs.

In a plan that is definitely not a bad idea, Lindsay has moved just down the street from former lover/enabler Samantha Ronson in Venice Beach. Good thing there aren’t any drugs in Venice Beach.

It is advised that if you have any children or pets in the southern California area, do not put any drugs near or on them, as Lindsay will get confused and may try to snort your pets or children. Also, try to stay off the roads of West Hollywood and Hollywood, as this is what Lindsay’s handler have referred to as her “feeding time,” and it is widely understood that she is not aware of her actions during these hours.

In short, if you are currently living in southern California, the only way to guarantee your safety is to move.

You’ve been warned.