Lady Gaga Does Lots of Things Drunk

This should surprise exactly no one, as the Godless American hermaphrodite doesn’t maintain the sobriety to even burka up when it’s below 90 degrees outside, but it’s now being reported as fact. She imbibes alcohol and then goes to practice yoga. As a devout Muslim, I’m not sure which activity I should be outraged over. Drinking alcohol is expressly prohibited in the Koran, but practicing yoga is just really, really obnoxious and very 2007.

Gaga recently told the media that her diet secret was to drink a camelload of liquor, but to balance it out with workouts every day, even if she’s hungover. I can’t in good conscience recommend any Lady Gaga health or beauty tips to anyone, but I don’t think that her hard-partying, yoga-stretching way will even influence the most depraved Americans. It seems that logic dictates you examine whatever Lady Gaga does to make herself look the way she does, then go ahead and do the exact opposite in order to look healthy and attractive. Still, “Bad Romance” is stuck in my head, so kudos to Gaga on that one.