Kim Kardashian Beached, Clings To Life

As you can see in the photo above, a clearly distressed Kim Kardashian has beached herself.

As Kim Kardashian clings to life, marine biologists struggle to figure out ways to get her back into the ocean before her blowhole dries up. However, there is a public safety concern. As Kim Kardashian struggles and thrashes her enormous rump could seriously injure innocent beach-goers.

Scientists are still out on what caused Kim Kardashian to beach herself. Perhaps sonar interfered with Kim’s navigation system, or more likely she heard that the LA Lakers were having a beach day. Whatever the cause this situation is certainly going to end with Kim banging a black guy.