Jennifer Hudson Ruins Her Vagina

Jennifer Hudson

Singer and actress Jennifer Hudson has ruined her vagina by giving birth to her first child, her publicist has announced.

While Hudson is distracted by the arrival of the “beautiful and perfect baby boy,” fiancé, David Otunga, was said to be “grief-stricken” about the destruction of his mate’s previously-tight va-jay-jay.

“You always think of this as something that happens to some other woman’s vagina,” said Otunga as he placed a stuffed animal at a makeshift memorial beside Hudson’s mangled labia. “You never think about your own woman’s vagina being stretched beyond all comprehension.”

Added Otunga, “And now I can’t even look at roast beef sandwiches anymore, which really sucks because I liked those as well.”

A memorial service for Hudson’s vagina will be held on Friday.