Hilary Duff Has Her Nipples Removed

As we can see in the video above, actress Hilary Duff appears to have had her sinful female nipples righteously removed.

This was certainly a smart medical decision, as for years Hilary has suffered from the serious condition known as “Areolar Overzealitis”, an affliction which is characterized by overactive nipples which poke through fabric.

This audacious tit topper rigidity causes the host to exhibit blasphemous behaviors like the obsessive vapid attention whoring of their chesticular area.

However, now that Hilary’s malfunctioning milk valves have been smitten with a few swift swipes from a scimitar, she is free to focus on her true calling… Which is, of course, putting that tight round rump of hers to good use in the service of Islam by pulling the plow through the fields by day, and then by night, that same bountiful backside shall be plowed in turn, each thrust a testament to her redemption in the eyes of Allah.