Heidi Montag’s Problems Are All Everyone Else’s Fault

American “person” Heidi Montag has recently taken a few moments away from her day job of existing to let everyone know that she was tricked into turning herself into a somehow-more-vapid Barbie doll by her dead plastic surgeon, Frank Ryan. The same dead plastic surgeon Frank Ryan that she referred to as an “angel” when he died in August.

She has since done a heel-turn and claimed that she wouldn’t do the surgery again, her boobs are too big to work out, and that her ten surgeries were “excessive.” In related news, Charlie Sheen has used this logic to sue the US Treasury for printing dollar bills that make cocaine so easy to snort.

At press time, the dead doctor was unavailable for comment.