Catherine Zeta Jones Will Soon Be Single

Good news! Based on this picture of Michael Douglas it is pretty obvious that Catherine Zeta Jones will soon be single.

Michael Douglas was recently diagnosed with throat cancer. Probably because he is part Jew and Allah wanted to punish him. Once Michael Douglas is dead (which should be any day now), Catherine Zeta Jones will finally be free to marry a strong Muslim man.

How Michael Douglas tricked Catherine Zeta Jones into marrying him has always been a mystery, but I firmly believe large amounts of opiates and death threats must have been involved.

Thankfully Michael Douglas will soon be burning in the eternal hellfire for his sinful Jewish ways. Praise be to Allah in his infinite wisdom for giving him cancer and setting Catherine Zeta Jones free. Allahu Akbar!