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Barack Obama
Barack Obama has named his Secretary of Defense… and he’s a Colonel! In a move that will surely shake up the status quo in Washington, Barack Obama chose Colonel Sanders to be his Secretary of Defense. This is a bold selection that will set the tone for Obama’s new international relations agenda. Col. Sanders is ..
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Celebjihad.com has confirmed that author/journalist Christopher Hitchens is “dreadfully tired” of watching you masturbate. Describing your masturbatory habits as “pure cliché and banality,” Hitchens finds fault not only with your “pedestrian” technique (the fist coupled with occasional deviations to the backhand), but also with your choice of pornographic aides. “(Your) sole reliance on girl-on-girl orgy ..
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Thanksgiving is a time to reflect and “give thanks” for our many blessings. We asked several of today’s hottest celebrities what they were thankful for…. Britney Spears is thankful for her two wonderful children…and Roe v. Wade…in no particular order. Guy Ritchie is thankful to be over his debilitating eight-year case of dry twat. Perez Hilton is ..
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It’s been less than a month since DJ AM, who obviously has some sort of deal with Satan, survived a jet crash that took the lives of four others. Two skin-graft surgeries later, AM was back to work last night, manning the decks for Jay-Z’s concert marking the reopening of the Hollywood Palladium. And by ..
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Hey folks, Charlie Sheen here. I wrote this article as a guide for you young men and women out there in relationships. You could say I’m kind of an expert on relationships since I’ve had 722 in my 40+ years of living and loving. First lets define what a relationship is. A relationship is a ..
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On Monday the Dow Jones Industrial Average suffered its largest one-day point loss after the House of Representatives rejected a proposed bailout plan. What does this mean for American taxpayers and the ailing U.S. economy? CelebJihad.com senior business correspondent Mel Gibson answers your questions in layman’s terms. Question #1: What is the main cause of ..
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In case you haven’t heard the shocking news, Clay Aiken “admitted” he’s gay. Next thing you know Barack Obama is going to “admit” he’s a Muslim, or I’m going to “admit” that Celebjihad.com isn’t funny. EVERYONE KNOWS! When a man named ‘Clay’ who looks like a cross between Billie Jean King and K.D. Lang decides ..
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MOLINE, IA — Special Olympian Mikey Felps crossed the finish line during the 10-meter don’t fall down event on Thursday, earning his 28th gold metal of the 2008 Northeastern Iowa Special Olympics in the process. His unprecedented completion of the event smashed the previous gold metal record set by Special Olympian Mark Spits in 1983. ..
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We caught up with famed prankster and avid child lover John Mark Karr lurking behind some bushes by a playground in Westwood, CA yesterday, and he was kind enough to answer a few questions. John, as you know CelebJihad.com was the first to break the story about your upcoming game show on Fox, “Are You ..
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The Memphis Grizzlies have signed 7-foot-2 Hamed Haddadi, stealing him away from the Saba Battery in the Iranian Super League. Haddadi, the NBA’s first Iranian player, is poised to explode onto the scene. However, some scouts fear he could turn out to be a disastrous bomb. “Look, I could be wrong and he could just ..
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Earlier this week People Magazine reported that Latin-pop sensation “Ricky Martin Welcomes Twin Boys,” and suggested that Martin had, with the help of a surrogate, fathered children. However, in an exclusive interview with Martin’s housekeeper, CelebJihad has learned that Martin is not a father, but rather a middle-aged man who welcomes twin boys into his ..
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10) Gary Busey’s diet consists almost entirely of bark and dolphin meat. 9) In 2004 the city of Newport Beach selected Gary Busey to host the annual Newport Autism Charity Banquet, an honor that caused him to boil his pets in disgust. 8) Gary Busey has a strong fear of the handicapped. 7) Gary Busey ..
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Two years after launching his celebrity blog perezrichie.com, local overweight homosexual Perez Richie has been unable to find much of an audience. Richie, a semi-literate immigrant from Guatemala, has been attempting to piggyback the success of his hero, Perez Hilton, but has thus far been unable to even remotely rival perezhilton.com, as evidenced by his ..
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Yeah that’s right, Corky has a sex tape. Corky gave the sex tape to a neighbor’s cat because according to the neighbor “Corky just loves Mr. Muff Buff’s puffy tail”. The neighbor is in talks with Shiny Object Entertainment to distribute the video, but it may never see the light of day. Corky has filed ..
The Reverend Al Sharpton called for a boycott of Niger on Sunday, urging Americans not to travel to or purchase products from the West African nation until its government agrees to a name change. Speaking to supporters gathered in front of the Nigerien Embassy in Washington D.C., Sharpton called the county’s name “outdated and hurtful” ..
Hi, I’m Chris Penn’s Ghost! I’ll see you in Hell if….. By age 42 you can make your heart implode from eating nothing but prime rib and drinking nothing but rare, mid-western whiskey… You can single handedly supply Madonna’s wedding with amphetamines, codeine, morphine, marijuana, an assortment of valium and 2 1/2 kilos of ..
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We caught up with Joe Piscopo on the set of his new film tentatively titled “My Shitty Vanity Project”. CelebJihad: So, Joe, what made you get back into show business? Joe Piscopo: What are you talking about? I’ve been working steady for 20 plus years now. CelebJihad: Really? Joe Piscopo: Obviously you haven’t seen many ..
It’s Gay Pride Week, or at least that’s what my dad told me. In honor of this momentous occasion the boys at CelebJihad have gone a little gay and compiled the following list of what celebrity dick tastes like! Mike Myers’ dick tastes like it’s been fucking the same dead horse since 1997. Pete ..
Kim Kardashian
Millie Bobby Brown
Sydney Sweeney
Kylie Jenner
Billie Eilish
Scarlett Johansson
Sofia Vergara
Jenna Ortega
Margot Robbie
Jennifer Aniston
Cardi B
Sabrina Carpenter
Ana de Armas
Miley Cyrus
Emma Watson
Selena Gomez
Alexandra Daddario
Dove Cameron
Ella Purnell
Jennifer Lopez