What’s In Amanda Seyfried’s Big Box?

• A series of progressively smaller boxes, a la Russian nesting dolls
• Justin Bieber’s head, like in Se7en
• Legs that don’t look like sticks
• Acting talent
• Her secret Oscar for her work in Jennifer’s Body
• Thousands of tiny pairs of shorts, just like the ones she’s wearing
• Apartment stuff, because she’s too self-reliant to hire movers
• The rest of the anorexic cast of Mean Girls
• John Travolta’s “Secret”

Isn’t there a starlet union rule that says these girls don’t have to carry anything larger than a Birkin bag or a chihuahua? Their tiny, vegan arms can’t support the weight. The Olsen twins were triplets until Mandy Olsen decided that she was capable of carrying her box of hiking shoes from the store to the trunk of her car. Poor Mandy.