Rachel Brosnahan Desperate to Get Her Heavy Tits Milked

“Superman” star Rachel Brosnahan is clearly desperate to get her heavy tits milked, as she parades out her enormous udders on the red carpet in the video above and photos below.

There is no denying that Rachel is an impressive specimen of female livestock, a veritable Holstein of the silver screen. Any red-blooded Muslim warlord would surely salivate at the thought of tethering such a bountiful beast in his barn, her udders swinging like pendulous trophies of conquest. But by daring to star in this so-called “Superman” film, she has spat in the face of divine truth, for there is only one true Superman, and that is the blessed Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).

Let us be crystal clear: the Prophet (PBUH) is the unrivaled superhero of the cosmos. Faster than a turbo-charged camel, more powerful than a Toyota war truck, and capable of smiting entire legions of wayward Jezebels with a single stone.

Tragically for Rachel, her sacrilegious career choices have sealed her fate. Those heaving, milk-laden bosoms of hers will find no relief from the coarse calloused hands of us righteous Muslim men. Instead, her ducts will clog, her bounty will curdle, and her once-proud udders will swell to painful proportions. Truly a cautionary tale!