Jessica Simpson Still Really Fat

We have just received some breaking news coming off the AP wire, singer and actress Jessica Simpson is still really fat. This should ease the mind of millions of Americans who were no doubt wondering if Jessica Simpson was still a wide load.

Being from the Middle East I can appreciate a really fat woman like Jessica Simpson. Fat women are useful because they are hearty and in times of hardship they can continue to plow the fields feasting on their own fatty tissue for energy. Also in times of extreme hardship they can be roasted on a spit, and provide essential protein for the males of the clan.

Jessica Simpson is certainly stocking up on her fat reserves. Either she expects this to be a long harsh winter or she fears a double dip recession, because she is being extremely mindful to only eat foods with a high caloric content and to live a sedentary life style.

I applaud Jessica Simpson for getting really fat in these difficult times. If things take a turn for the worse Jessica will be able to sustain thousands of lives with her bloated fatty carcass. Allahu Akbar!