Betty White Day: 80 is the New 20

Today is No Megan Fox Day, because frankly she is an overexposed annoying twit. To celebrate the Internet has decided to promote a truly exceptional woman who really does not get the publicity she deserves. That’s right you guessed it, today is now officially Betty White Day! So step aside Megan because today 80 is the new 20.

I know when most guys hear the name Betty White they immediately think “saucy minx who I’d love to have gum my knob”, but few people realize all the amazing things Betty did for this great country of ours.

Betty White was the original viral hottie. Men use to telegraph her pics all over the 13 colonies. Powerful men were drawn to her beauty. Rumor has it Betty bedded 16 different US President’s, including the famously prude Calvin Coolidge.

However, Betty did not just provide pleasures of the flesh she also effected policy. Some of our most beloved government institutions like the Post Office, Federal Trade Commission, and Applebee’s come from Betty’s brilliant political mind.

During the War of 1812 Betty coined the popular phrase “the only good Canadian is a dead Canadian!”, a rally cry American troops still use to this day when slaughtering our weaker effeminate neighbors from the north. Of course her most venomous attacks were saved for the Asian American community, and have since been wiped from the history books.

Yes Betty White truly is an exceptional woman. Let us spend today celebrating her amazing life… because she will surely be dead soon… I’m just saying the woman is like a thousand.