Jessica Simpson Announces She Is Getting Fat Again

Jessica Simpson announced her (fake) pregnancy yesterday by tweeting a photo of her daughter Maxwell next to the words “BIG SIS”.

Every Muslim knows that at 32-years-old Jessica Simpson is well past her fertile years, and her withered husk of a womb is incapable of birthing a child. Clearly Jessica Simpson is just pretending to be pregnant again, so that she can return to being a tremendous fat ass.

After an appropriate amount of time Jessica Simpson will probably steal a baby from one of the white trash meth heads that litter the American countryside. Then she will sign another multimillion dollar endorsement deal with a weight loss program which she is far too gluttonous and lazy to ever complete.